My Version of Surgery Prep

When faced with significant life challenges some people turn to drugs or alcohol, or developing an eating disorder.  Not me.  I turn into Susie Homemaker.  As far as coping mechanisms go, I don't think cleaning binges with fits of cooking are too terrible.  It keeps me too busy to let the panic really set in and gives me a sense of purpose and accomplishment in the face of something about which I can do nothing.  I would much prefer to have a zen-like calm about it all, but I can settle for a clean apartment and a fridge full of food.

I think at this rate I'll be cured of cancer before I can fully accept that I have it.  The same thought I had on the way home from the hospital after I got the diagnosis keeps popping into my mind: "I can't believe I have cancer.  That's so dumb."  I should believe it.  After nearly a year of school in which we've been learning about the most common cancers of all the major organs of the body I had started to believe that it might be impossible for anyone to escape having cancer.  It's one of those things that you know happens to people, just other people.  There aren't a lot of types of cancers common for people in their thirties; I happen to have one of them.

Yesterday we cleaned out the fridge and went shopping for a bunch of soft foods for me: ingredients for making soup, vanilla ice cream, two flavors of apple sauce, eggs, and generic cheese crackers (which I might not be able to eat for a couple of days). I've already got greek yogurt and oatmeal to round out the rest.  I also did a few loads of laundry and dishes before I ran out of energy.

Today I got up at about 9 am after waking up at 5 am, reading for two hours and falling asleep again.  I finished washing the remaining few dishes, scrubbed the kitchen top to bottom, swept and mopped the floors, washed all of the bedding, vacuumed the bedroom, and washed and folded the last two loads of laundry.  I also made a pot of gingery carrot soup.  It basically looks like baby food but it's tasty, healthy, and quick to make.

Tomorrow I still have to make the cauliflower potato soup, scrub the bathroom, vacuum the living room, and pack.  The hospital called today to the pre-surgery check in, but I won't find out when my surgery is until they call me tomorrow.  I called their Patient Account Services (aka Billing) department again and confirmed that everything is all set with them.   I never received a letter about my financial aid application but everything is all set in their system and I'm running out of energy to freak out about these things.

Come what may (barring another reschedule by them), Thursday I'm having surgery.  It couldn't come soon enough.